I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Alan Greenspan personally for his work in boosting the value of my equity in my home through his <a href=decimation of the stock and bond markets. Since real estate is the only sure thing left to invest in, and interest rates for mortgages are so low, people are taking money out of their tax shelters in droves to invest in anything that doesn't move. And that means that the selling price of houses in my neighborhood have gone up 100% over the past 7 years.

Of course, the price of any house we'd move into if we sold right now has also gone up. So the value of our equity in trading up to another home has, essentially, unchanged. If I had bought my house as an investment, and decided to cash out on it now, I'd be a very happy capitalist (especially with Dubya having cut capital gains taxes by 15%). However, as somebody who needs someplace to live, my gain is illusory.

Sure, I could stay where I am, refinance at a lower rate based on the artificially inflated value of my home, and take all that money down to Wal-Mart and buy me a really nice air rifle to plunk rats in the alley with. And then I'd be doing my part to pump up the economy, now wouldn't I? Converting equity into new debt, trading trading future opportunities for a quick buck and instant gratification–it's the American Way. That's why my ex-wife is working all that overtime at the title company, as her lawyer bosses skim their unfair share off the refi traffic. The banks and lawyers always seem to win, don't they?

But where was I…oh yes, Alan Greenspan. Fighter of deflation, stimulator of growth. What a guy. Keep those rates low, Alan, so I can afford the big honking mortgage I'll undoubtedly have to take out to afford the modest upgrade in housing that I hope to acquire in the next few months. Love ya, baby.